Leo (July 23-Aug 23) Put your ego on the shelf. The holier than thou “nez en l’air” attitude is going to take you to Splitsville. Nobody cares to hear about your conquests. Try living like a real person for once. Things might get going for you then.
Virgo (Aug 24-Sept 22) Try replacing your wishbone with a backbone. You are not an animal. You are a human being and should be treated as such. Must you live to please or do you wish to live like you please? Think about it. Wake-up.
Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22) Live in the here and now instead of constantly trying to shape your own version of reality. Everything is there for a reason. You must respect this even if it is not of your own creation. Remember to alter reality is to live in illusion.
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21) Time to take your head out of the clouds. Life sucks. So what can you do? Absolutely nothing. If things are meant to be good or bad, they will be. It’s is not for you to decide. You are not a world dominator. It’s a ride of life.
Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 22) Those wandering eyes are the problem. Of course trouble will come if you seek it out. Idiot. Being insatiable is a curse you must learn to moderate. But then again, if it makes you happy…live long and suffer.
Capricorn (Dec 23-Jan 19) There is no such thing as a “little” lie. Even in times of desperation, stop and think about the ethics of your actions. Succumbing to them only furthers your de-evo-lutionary life span. Things start simple for you but you always manage to complicate them.
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) Did you realize that we now live in an age of democracy and not dictatorship? To whose drum are you dancing to anyway? Isn’t it time for you to live by your own declarations instead of those of another? Long live freedom of speech.
Pisces (Feb 19-March 20) A little assertion never killed anyone. It is only a myth created by your kind. The quiet, reclusive and helpful demeanor is sickening. It is asign of inadequacy. Scream for breakfast, shout for sex and yell for the remote. It does a body good.
Aries (March 21-April 19) Put a sock in it already. Your jealous, possessive, arrogant approach is your worst enemy. You know what the problem is: you and your ego. Change is an ultimatum if you wish to sleep with someone other than your ego.
Taurus (April 20-May 20) Ok. Enough already. The strong silent type image is old and boring. Your bullheadedness is a major turn-off. So is that money hungry drool dangling from your chin. Wipe off that smug grin. We almost have no hope for you. Get a life.
Gemini (May 21-June 21) Decisions will be the death of you. The sick, twisted need to try out something new is your downfall into the fiery pits of temptation. If you play with fire, of course you’ll burn (duh!) Still, you never learn, do you? HELLO???
Cancer (June 22-July 22) Crack open that nuisance of a shell you call a personality.Try some daring and bold activities such as opening the front door and stepping out intothe world. If not you’ll go mad. Eat up the world before it eats you up.
-Thelma & Louise Tellin’ it like it is
