Once in a hot while, the thought of hitting the beach seems to be just the solution for cooling down anyone from north of 52. Just a thought, though, as I am one of those unfortunate few who just can’t stay afloat or flounder about enough to keep breathing. I still prefer walking on water in February, but during these global warming days, the beach sounds just fine to me.

Checking out local beaches these days seem to have the same type of swimmer, justly clad in t-shirts and cut-off jeans. There’s no bikinis around since it isn’t really that hot, it just feels like it for a few hours a day. And the few with no real cardiac problems can tackle the murky waters of the many rivers and hidden secret lagoons that riddle the North. In the old days, it was just a matter of sneaking off from your parents and taking an illicit dip in the river, then innocently arriving back home with a clean yet ruddy glow about the skinny dippers.

Today, a long list of amazing things are required. First of all, the bravery to actually go a store and buy a swimsuit, of all things. You’d be amazed at how many different varieties exist out there for all kinds of shapes. The Speedo is becoming a bit of a rarity (hey, it’s still a free country) and perhaps needs to be revived in different styles besides the ones that garner gasps from everyone around. Hey, you don’t have to have a beach volleyball body to wear a Speedo, you know.

Then, there’s all the different lotions that have to be applied. My favourite is anything with 35% DEET so if at least I get gorged upon by voracious bugs, they’ll chew off more than they bargained for. For others, it’s all about trying not to burn, but you’re already brown, it’s more about the risk of skin cancers and endless jokes of peeling burnt skin off your sensitive body.

Then, there’s the matter of actually finding a beach that has some sort of privacy, yet just enough exposure for your introverted side. There should be enough shade about, though, as sometimes, when the UV factors creep higher and higher, actual radiation touches your skin, so carry along a small shelter, one of those kinds that tend to construct themselves.

Of course, sandals for those tender toes and flat feet, and more DEET-laden things, strong enough to ward of those meat-eating deer flies. Those big buggers have the habit of flying into you full blast then trying to jaw out a sizeable piece of flesh. I hate those ones, but luckily, they’re about the biggest threat on the beach, unless, for some reason, some killer whale spoils the party. Best bet is to go out when there’s a strong breeze.

Then, there’s the final decision to actually wear those skimpy outfits and jump into the water. This takes one with a brave heart, as some waters temperatures hover in the mid-single-digit range and perhaps some humility as one jumps back onto the safety of land with a missing digit. Ahh, the strange perks of swimming in the north, it never ceases to amaze me.

But for those who choose to do so, remember, safety first, get swimming lessons…