These are the last two stories in our series about the adoption of children by Jewish family services.
David
David sees himself as a Saulteaux-Ojibway-Ukrainian raised in a violent Protestant environment in the United States. He doesn’t consider himself Jewish. David is 25 and originally from Manitoba. He was 11 months old when he was adopted into a Jewish family.
Q: Do you know why you were given up for adoption?
A: I was removed from my mother’s home at about five or six months old, because my mother was passed out drunk when the social services visited her home for a check up.
Q: How was the relationship with your parents?
A: My relationship with my parents was turbulent for many years. This is due to the resentment I felt at having been sent to private boarding school in the United States. The reason I was sent to this school, from grade one to seven, was because I acted out aggressively from as far back as two or three years old.
Q: Do you know why you were so aggressive?
A: I have never been quite certain of the reasons for my childhood aggressions, but as I’ve grown older, I have theorized that it may be attributed to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
Q: How was your experience in school?
A: During my years in the United States, I experienced constant physical abuse from the teachers in my school. I was beaten, on average, at least twice a week. Verbal abuse was a perpetual occurrence. This abuse became a way of life for all the kids in the school and as a result, when we weren’t being beat up by the adults, we were constantly beating up each other. The atmosphere of violence carried through into my young adult life, and I became a fighter and was in constant violent confrontations. I would have to say that my adoptive parents are not to blame for all this. I honestly believe that they are fine people of exceptional moral fibre, and that their intentions were good. They didn’t know how to deal with my acting out.
Q: Did your parents introduce you to your own culture?
A: When I was in grade eight my parents began to aquaint me with Native American culture – in general. They bought me books on the Tribal Demography of North American Natives and books on myths, legends and culture.
Q: Did you ever meet your birth parents?
A: Last winter, I returned to Manitoba. I met my biological family for the first time. I am the oldest of five boys and the second oldest of ten children. My mother still drinks excessively today. For this reason, I only visited my family for a few days.
I would have to say that my birth mother is, at this time, still somewhat of a stranger. However, I fully intend to return to Manitoba and pursue this relationship further.
Q: Do you feel any longing for your homeland?
A: I sometimes feel the need to return to my roots and take a more active approach to my lost birthright and background. I also, however, feel a conflicting desire to forget what I’ve learned of my roots, and embrace completely this white, western way of life I have been raised into.
Q: What culture will you introduce to your children?
A: I plan to raise my children to view themselves in a perfectly pragmatic manner, being modern people in a modern society. All that I learn of my ancestry, heritage and culture, I shall also teach to them to accept and do with as they see fit.
Q: Do you believe you’re assimilated?
A: I see myself as being assimilated because I live my life according to a Western way of life, and because the drugs and alcohol and other perversions of white culture are second nature to me, by my upbringing.
Melanie
Melanie is a 22 year old Dene Nation girl from the Dog Rib Tribe in the NWT. She was three months old when she was adopted. Melanie doesn’t see herself returning home to live, but would like to help and be involved with the future of the Dene Nation. While she was growing up, Melanie felt she was different and something might have been wrong with her. Today, Melanie sees the cultural future for her children being a mix of religions.
Q: Do you know why you were put up for adoption?
A: Yes. My birth mother was fifteen years old at the time I was born. She was too young to take care of me. Her father was a chief. He didn’t agree to her keeping me, so he made the initial decision to put me up for adoption.
Q: What new culture were you adopted into?
A: I was adopted through the Jewish Family Services. My father being Jewish, my mother Christian.
Q: How was the relationship with your parents?
A: I was very, very close to my mother. Abnormally close. I wouldn’t leave her side. I guess the fact that I lost a mother once, I grew up with a great insecurity. My mother has always been very important to me. I’m not as close with my father. My father’s a doctor. He always worked a lot. He’s very busy.
Q: Do you have any siblings?
A: I have a brother who is Metis. He is adopted as well. He’s nineteen and our relationship has been consistently good.
Q: How was your experience in school?
A: I went to St. George’s elementary and high school. A lot of the kids there are Jewish. I always had quite a bit of friends, but in high school, I found it extremely hard. I don’t know, there was so many cliques and I wanted to be part of the most popular people.
I mean, sure, I was friends with everybody, but I didn’t feel that I had enough attention. So, I started drinking and smoking up. I met this girl, my best friend, and I started hanging out with these people from another school in Westmount. They, to me, were really cool. We started going to parties and drinking and stuff.
Q: How old were you at the time?
A: I was fourteen. I started doing this every weekend. It was totally a rebellion thing. I was fairly open about things with my parents. I told them the first time I got drunk and they didn’t mind. They thought I was experimenting. When it got to be more than a phase, it got to be a problem and our communication quickly deteriorated. I continued to drink and smoke up until I was sixteen. I went to therapy and got help. I was sober for two years. During that time, I started going into my roots. Before then, I had a lot of insecurities because of the fact that I was Native. I was kind of ashamed.
Q: Did your parents ever introduce you to your own culture?
A: Sure. They read tons of books with me when I was younger. They would buy Native art and decorate the house with it. Once, when I was young, they introduced me to another Native girl, she was a little older than me. They brought her over to the house and they were like: bond, you know (laughs). She was nice, and we played but I never saw her again.
Q: What were the major conflicts at home?
A: When I was on drugs I wasn’t the most pleasant person to get along with. My parents and I had a lot of conflicts. It was mostly about my drinking/drug problem. I wasn’t coming home at night. I was skipping school. I moved out when I was fifteen and that helped a lot. I know now where I was at fault. I mean, my parents aren’t perfect. They had their problems as well.
Q: When did you become interested in your roots?
A: When I was seventeen, I went to a pow-wow. I was fascinated and interested. I found something very magical and spiritual about Native people. I try to get involved as much as I possibly can.
I volunteer at the Native Friendship Center and at pow-wow’s.
Q: Did you ever meet your birth parents?
A: No, but I’ve spoken to my birth mother. I’ve been writing to her since I’m eighteen. I’m going to visit her this winter for the first time. I’m looking forward to seeing her. I also have five other siblings. I don’t have any worries about going to see them – Except the cold weather! I’ve always been brought up with the knowledge of my background. I know my adopted mother has fears about me going to Yellowknife.
Q: How do see yourself today?
A: I see myself as a Native, who is Jewish. I’m moving forward to becoming a well adjusted adult. I think that quitting drinking was the best decision I could have made. I would like to work with Native people, but I have to heal myself before I heal others.
Q: Do you believe you are assimilated?
A: Yeah, well, it really makes me sad, you know I think that through being adopted, I have found a great appreciation for the Native culture. I don’t know if I would have had this appreciation if I would have been brought up in the environment. When I go up north, I’m going to see the land in a completely different way than they (her family) do.
In upcoming issues, I would like to try and focus on the residental school syndrome. You may contact me at 514 485-9742. This topic is an important one for Native people. I would like, eventually, to make a documentary about the subject. Your names will be kept confidental upon request. Healing begins with the acknowledgement of what has happened.
