Friends, Creepersons, countrymen. Lend me your ears. Actually, in this case it would be your eyes and grey matter. We have traveled for miles through Eeyou Astchee these past few weeks and have seen, heard and learned much. As always, we had the good, the bad and, last but not least, the very ugly.
Rumors abound of a new millionaire in Creedom. The last I heard he had won more than a million dollars in one of Quebec’s million lotteries. If I was him, I would flee. But not after I’ve located my birth certificate and collected my winnings.
The Mitchuaap “Presence” was nowhere to be seen in Chisasibi when I passed through.
Our last April Fool’s cover with Bigfoot: Relax folks, the treaty was not ratified. It wasn’t a treaty. It was merely an Agreement in Principle. April Fool’s again. In case you didn’t get it the first time.
Rabbits are falling out of the sky in Nemaska my always well-informed source tells me. The sole witness, understandably, should not be named. Although, we have all heard weirder (is that a word?) tales than this. Details, I know, I know, you want details! Unfortunately, that is one thing we are sorely lacking right now but here’s what I could piece together. Our witness was walking on a snow-covered lake minding his own Cree business when he spotted rabbit tracks heading towards shore. The strange thing about said tracks is that they looked like their owner had just gotten off a hovering… I don’t know… some kind of aircraft, I guess. Confusing as it may be, you can imagine how the hunter felt…
Around the same time these strange events were taking place a Little Miss Nemaska Pageant and its male equivalent
travels throughout Eeyou Astchee.
was being held. The winner of the Little Miss Nemaska competition gave her speech and it went something like this, “Hi! my name is Katrina Orr and I can’t wait to go to school. Meegwehtch.” A future valedictorian in the making. F.Y.I. Mr. Little Nemaska winner was Gerald Mattaweskum. Known for his footwork on the dance floor.
I am told.
Update on the weight-loss contest in Nemaska: Our man writes, “160 pounds has been reported to have been lost. For those folks who are looking for lost and found rewards. I’m sure there’s no reward for these heavy items. To say the least there were some losers who had to pay the ten dollar penalty into the fat pot.”
Tina Keeper of North of 60 fame is not getting married to that chief after all (See Rez Notes #1). Two-Chord Erland Campbell will keep us posted I am sure.
Rez Notes is proud to announce that the Voice Of Generation X has been discovered. He is none other than, our mellifulously-voiced News Editor, Alex Roslin. It’s amazing who you run into around our neighbourhood. Alex and a lady friend of his were at the Pizzadelic™ enjoying a pizza,
I would guess, when a “producer type” wearing the obligatory scarf approached our hero. And said, “You have the most unusual voice!” He claimed he was the future soundman for a new Metropolis-like alternative night club which needs someone to do their promotional soundbites. Needles to say, Rez Notes supports fully Alex in his new career. (Don’t quit your day job yet. -Ed.)
That’s all we have time and space for oh, gentle readers. I’m heading for the slopes. Geez, I hope there’s still some snow left.
