I recently listened to a good old country Christmas song, “Santa looked a lot like daddy, or daddy looked at lot like him…”, and it made me smile. Sometimes, songs just make up the truth as it is, and within that little ditty of a tune, it managed to expose Santa for who he truly is – you and me at some point in our lives. Sometimes, Scrooge surfaces at the wrong time during shopping rushes in long line-ups and miles and miles of mega malls. But in reality, Santa does look at lot like daddy / mommy.
Sometimes, maintaining a constant aura of mystery and suspense, when opening a door to a closet full of wrapped-up gifts, presents itself as a difficult time to explain to little ones that you are really a secret operative working for Santa, because his factory hasn’t been able to keep up with the entire world’s demands for the latest toys and goodies, and you have to keep his hidden stash safe until he shows up to pick them up and then… climb down the chimney.;
It’s like outsourcing to India to save costs for telemarketers and big-name companies like Google. That’s how big Santa’s business is, I explain. That explanation seemed to do the trick for a persistent two-year-old determined to unwrap those hidden treasures found in the closet.
What about the milk and cookies left for Santa that mysteriously disappear? How come there’s no tracks of reindeer on the rooftop, asked one smart-aleck kid. I come up with the fact that hover technology has been around for years and it’s easier for Santa just to hover around from rooftop to rooftop instead of coming to a complete halt on every roof.;
Mr Claus also has introduced the use of Mini-Santas to climb down chimneys for him, so he can multi-task and deliver to entire neighbourhoods in under 30 seconds. He recently cloned himself so he could cover everyone in under three hours, just after midnight and before dawn.
I hear his sled is even equipped with a Tassimo espresso-maker to make sure he doesn’t get too sleepy and forget someone. Of course, his sled is made out of light carbon material and his reindeer are fed nothing but the best organic grains and carrots. On that special Christmas Eve night, they get an extra dose of candy-cane-flavoured carrots and apples, just to give them a sugar rush that’s needed at halftime.
Even Mrs Claus has taken on the role of keeping track of her hubbie via satellite GPS and forwards any last-minute requests from kids around the globe. Once every 10 seconds, the Naughty list is revised and updates Santa, just in case someone has a change of heart and makes it to the Nice list.
Of course, all this is done at practically the speed of light. So kids, that little waft of air you feel might be Santa (or one of his souped-up clones or drones) zipping up and down the chimney. And for those who have electrical heating, Santa has figured out a way to pop out of an electrical outlet and still get the job done in time.
Nowadays, Christmas takes up a lot of energy but is still the fastest way to get something underneath the tree. Thanks to the new Santa website where you can still qualify right up until midnight Christmas Eve to make your Christmas Wish List, the holidays seem to have more time for enjoyment and family get-togethers. Thanks to Santa (who looks a lot like daddy) and the miracle of online shopping wish lists and energy-saving electric lights, the season looks good for Santa.
Merry Christmas everyone, and don’t forget, Santa will get an update for 2012.
