Frankly, we here at The Nation were overwhelmed. Overwhelmed at the enormous responsewe received to the rez notes questionnaire a few weeks back. We were humbled. Shocked.Frightened. As no doubt, you, the readers, will be when you read the following results.Brace yourselves. The readers have spoken. This is what they have said:
55% HAVE SEEN A UFO.
18% HAVE BEEN ABDUCTED.
Comments:
“This is highly classified info.”
“It was a bright, bright green light. A small one. It went up, straight up and fast.”
“In mid 80’s driving with my family. We all saw it in my area but government denied it.”
“I’ve been probed, I was drunk.”
Yummy.
64% HAVE BEEN IN A6AR ROOM BRAWL.
16% HAVE OR I LIKE KRAMER.
Comments:
“Had wacky neighbors… we called them ‘Andy Stoner,’ ‘Nice Boy’ and ‘Film Guy'” One answered, “No, but I am.”
36% HAVE LIED JUST TO GET LAID. 27% HAVE LIED TO GET A JOB.-
64% HAVE LIED TO GET OUT OF A JOB. 73%TTAVE LIED ABOUT THEIITAGE.
37% WERE MARRIED.
27% WERE STILL LOOKING.
9% ARE GETTING DESPERATE.
* A few were married but still looking, or getting desperate, hence the percentages not adding up.
COMMANDMENTS BROKEN:
“All, except I haven’t killed anyone..yet” “What are all the 10 commandments?!” “Don’t know the commandments. I suppose I violated a few…okay, okay… most of them.”
“All except kill, still working on it.” “Probably most of them. Heh, heh.” AMOUNT THEY WOULD SELL KIDNEY FOR:
“At least $10,000”
“Case of beer”
“$100,000”
“Strange. $10”
“Can’t put a price on my organ.”
“$10,000 for one.”
“For the rich, $100,000. For the poor free.”
FAVORITE DRINKS:
Singapore Sling Pepsi and Molson Dry Cold Spring water Dirty Martini Pop-coke, liquor-vodka Triple rum and coke!!!
Iced Tea (shaken, not stirred)
WORST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE DONE TO ANOTHER:
“Broke their hearts”
“Wrecked his vehicle.”
“Poured beer on them.”
“Throw a rock to their head.”
“Killed my cat when I was four by accident.”
“Stole their boyfriend.”
“Spit.”
…and others much too graphic to print here.
27% HAVE SEEN A GHOST
91% BELIEVE IN HEAVEN AND HELL.
01% TALK TO THEMSELVES .
TOLD THEM THEY WERE SPECIAL. Aaaww.
64% HAVE FILED FOR INCOME TAX.
27% HAVE CHEATED OM EXAMS. Liars!64% HAVC READ SOMEONEELSFS DIARY.9% DIDN’T BOTHER WEARING ANY
UNDERWEAR. Sexy.
36% HAVE BEEN TO A PSYCHOANALYST
73% WANNA BE STARTIN’ SOMETHING ANYWAY.
GRAND TOTAL OF CASH STOLEN:
$13,557
“Never stole.” Right.
9% LIKE THEIR DRINKS SHAKEN.
9% LIKE THEIRS SHAKEN, STIRRED AND STRAIGHT UP.
55% LIKE THHR DRINKS STIRRED.
27% LIKE THEIRS STRAIGHT UP.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
“Is there life before death?”
“What’s your point?”
“I answered truthfully.”
“I can’t believe I’m doing this question-
naire.”
“It’s all true.”
“Maybe I’m not answering these questions truthfully-JK!”
“I’m only human but working on improving.”
“Beer, sex, more beer, more sex.”
“Does a bar room brawl count if it was about you?” (uh, yes.)
“What do you mean by ‘Wanna be startin’ somethin’?” (What do YOU mean by answering“yes“?)
