To my knowledge, I was born from a woman. She was born from a woman, who was born from a woman, who was born from a woman, who was….
That gets me wondering how those facts affect the argument between the supporters of creationism and evolution: was man created first, or did he have to be born from a woman? What came first? The chicken or the egg, if you will.
Does that mean that the idea of man being created first and, fashioned from Adam’s rib, the chick coming in second, is universally wrong? Or is it just a matter of XX chromosomes versus the XY, mixed up in some chemical soup we call casual sex?
This issue touches on dangerous grounds for a guy like me, a man, who must make comments about the fairer sex in such a way so as to not spark riots against all men dead or alive. I am still on domestic probation for having danced with Jane Fonda at a Banff film festival many moons ago. I hope I will not become the target of the next hairrorist attack by angry throngs of wild women.
I can’t remember the title or author but I once came across a book I thought was akin to Mad Magazine’s Spy vs. Spy by actually getting the top secret information as to why the white spy was white and the black spy black. Eureka! Suddenly, I felt I was actually on the same level as women in terms of their thinking…
And then I slowly realized that the whole book was not an insider’s user-friendly guide to women, but was actually part of a disinformation campaign to lull men into a false state of self-satisfaction. We could be smug in our “knowledge” of the inner working of a woman’s mind. We would quietly capitalize on that knowledge until they caught on!
I was too obvious in my sudden revelation, however. The guilty pleasure of “knowing” how they work was written across my macho face, and I was busted reading the forbidden book of knowledge and deep secrets. It was confiscated before I got past the first chapter. To this day, sadly, I have an easier time understanding Einstein’s theory of relativity. E=mc2.
Much to many men’s chagrin (or its plural chagra), another book called Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus was published dissin’ men like no tomorrow. It didn’t really have much to do with the speed of light, planetary alignment or the Pythagorean theorem or anything as easily grasped as all that. So the imbalance of nature was restored.
Women created new practices that we men would need decades to decipher. Damn, we have to create a new supercomputer just to figure out what our next move would be. But hey, if I say too much, I might just spill the beans to the hapless public and cause further furor over the sexual divide, thus creating a greater cosmic chasm that even an intelligent designer would have trouble repairing.
Even though women have the power to eliminate male communications ability to a common denominator of “duhhh,” men also adapted a survival mechanism in the face of such fatal ridicule: it’s called sports.
Sports is the therapy that all men must partake in, if only because all that pent up energy has to be expressed in some way. There’s also the advantage that, come what may, at least a few days each month every woman finds a sudden appreciation for strapping jocks and the scent of male pheromones. Signing off from Mars, I remain forever male.
Ed Note: All opinions and anything to do with Sonny Orr are not necessarily those of the Nation, it’s staff, editors, publishers, owners, writers or janitors.
